apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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