I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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