I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
