every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
