Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
