how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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