god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
