pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
