theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
