god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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