I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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