well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
