The maid of honor just puked.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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