I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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