I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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