I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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