This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
