oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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