listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
