So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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