i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
