If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
