dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
