Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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