i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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