So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
