We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
