i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
