I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
