NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
