At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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