I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
