evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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