Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
