drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
