then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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