I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
