im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
