You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dont even know how to be here
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
