my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
