the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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