i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
