it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
