There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
