You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
