A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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