Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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