How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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