maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im holly from the hills drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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