Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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