my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
