Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
