there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
